Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Vicky & Scooby'

About Scooby

Scooby, my Beagle Alsatian cross. Beautiful, angelic, perfect. Missed.

When did you lose Scooby?

I lost him on Saturday 13th October 2012.

At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?

Or how are you feeling right now?

I'm at a stage of confusion. I can't understand how one minute I'm okay and the next minute I'm crying again. There is still a very physical pain and I'm still looking for him when I know that he's not there which is stupid I know but I can't help it.

Vicky & Scooby's Story so far

We rescued Scooby in 2005 when he was a lively, gorgeous, energetic, loving one year old. He'd had a year of misery but was rescued by a couple who couldn't keep him but wanted to get him out of a horrid situation. I spotted him on the web and immediately knew that he was the dog for us. I had never been so sure of anything in all my life and it was right.

We had seven glorious years together. Scooby was a constant companion. We never left him (other than with very good friends if we went out) we didn't go on holiday without him. He truly was our fur child. He was with us through good times and bad. Everybody loved him even my neighbours who were scared of dogs fell in love with this gentle, caring, amazingly beautiful boy.

Imagine our pain and misery when after suffering a stroke, we had to let him go. Never have I done anything so painful, so difficult, so mind numbingly hard as hold my best friend while he died. I just don't know how to get across to anybody how much it hurts. It's now seventeen days after that horrendous day. We scattered his ashes three days ago in his favourite walking place. He certainly wouldn't have wanted to be kept in an urn indoors, he needed to go and I had to find the strength to let him. I actually felt a bit stronger after we'd scattered his ashes.

I think I must be at the Waves and Pangs stage. One minute I'm fine but the next minute I'm crying again. One minute I can look at a picture, then I can't. At times I can speak about him then I can't. I've received a couple of very nice comments about my tribute and it helped me to realise that others are going through the same thing too. I thought I would have a go at the diary I really feel I need to do something to try and help myself.

I know I'm not very good. I have no appetite. I cannot sleep very much, when I drop off I wake up feeling anxious and panicky. I keep getting this feeling which comes over me when I remember being in the vets and doing what we did. Wondering if I really did the right thing. If I had waited another week or so would Scooby have improved? Probably not but this added guilt is where the problem lies I think. It would have been a little easier if the vet had said quite clearly there would be no improvement. But we were told that there was no way of knowing. He was so unhappy and uncomfortable that it seemed the right thing to do. Please God let me have made the right choice. I think that's all I can type right now. Thank you for reading. x

Click here to start reading this Pet Loss Diary
Click here to see all entries from this Pet Loss Diary