Your Pet Loss Stories

'My Special Needs Baby, Trooper'

by Maria Raslowsky
(Toms River, NJ, USA)

My poor baby suffered with diabetes for the last two years. Prior to the diabetes, he had lost his hearing about four years ago. When the diabetes was finally diagnosed the week of Christmas 2006, he was in severe ketosis, and suffering so badly.

He had to stay at the hospital for a week on intravenous insulin. He did come home just before New Years day and we were so happy to have him back. But through the last year and a half, he had good days and bad, some very bad. The day we made the decision to let him go to heaven was the worst day of my entire life.

Although I have three other dogs that I love dearly, Trooper was my special needs baby. My life revolved around his because of the hearing loss, blindness that lead to cataract surgery and still poor vision, insulin injections twice a day with home cooked meals everyday. Every minute of that and more was worth it and I would do it all over again for even one more day with him. I loved him so so much.

I never imagined the pain would be so horrible. It's been 12 weeks and it still really hurts, I still cry and I still question my decision on...well, you know. I looked at his pictures of the weeks prior and I can see now that it was the right decision, he would really be suffering horrible now. But that doesn't make the pain any less.

I couldn't do many things after that day because everything reminded me of Trooper. I even had a hard time feeding my other babies, my life was turned upside down and I had to come out of it for them. People told me to get another to replace Trooper, there is no replacing your baby, none.

I walked into a pet store and burst into tears, walked right out. I talked to an animal communicator, and even if what she said wasn't true, it didn't matter, I believed that my Trooper was talking to me and that's all that mattered. It helped me. I also had a color picture of Trooper laser engraved on a heart pendant that I never take off because it lies right above my heart.

I did have Trooper cremated and still have a memorial going for him in my entranceway. His ashes are there with a framed picture on top. I have three holy candles burning all the time. A bone is placed next to his ashes, and a card that my Vet sent with Trooper's paw print sits in front of his ashes. I also made a memorial outside around a tree that bloomed on the day he died. That tree Trooper use to peepee around. We placed a St. Francis statue and a Blessed Mother statue around the tree and planted flowers the rest of the way.

I have his picture as my desktop on my computer and will not wash his bed because I need to keep smelling him.
I have no tips for how to cope with the loss of your loving pet, I wish I did. I searched the internet over and went to Rainbow Bridge many times. I held a memorial service, candlelight ceremony on the site, but it was very painful.

The best thing I can recommend is to talk face to face with other's who have shared your experience. They will help pull you through. You will still probably cry, and so will they, but crying is good, cry all you need and grieve all you need. Your baby was just that, your baby. Remember they will always be nearby and we will see them again some day.

This may sound crazy to some, but two days before Father's Day I couldn't sleep. I sat on the couch and this poem kept going through my head over and over again. I never wrote a poem in my life, so I do believe it came from Trooper for me to give to daddy. This is what he said....

'You came and got me at the airport. I was in a large empty warehouse so scared. When I looked into your eyes, I knew there would be no love greater. I felt as though my heart stopped beating.

As I grew and fathered pups, it was such a special day. You came home early just to see and I heard you say you wanted my first born. I looked at them and then looked at you and saw the love in your eyes, I felt as though my heart stopped beating.

Years later my knee stopped working. You took me to the hospital to have it fixed. They had me stay for several days and I saw the sadness in your eyes. But then you came back to take me home and you told me you would take good care of me, and you did. I was so grateful that you never knew, I felt as though my heart stopped beating.

And then I got older and became very sick. Although you took such great care of me, more than I could ever have imagined, my illness got the better of me and I grew tired. I stayed as long as I could but the struggle of fighting my illness was so unimaginable of what it did not just to me, but to you, and you loved me even more, I felt as though my heart stopped beating.

And then the day came when we had to say goodbye. I tried so hard to stay longer, but I was weak and sick and knew it would be hard on all of us. You came to the hospital to say goodbye to me and I waited just for that. You held me in your arms and you told me how much you loved me and I felt as though my heart stopped beating.

And then we knew it was the time, the doctor told you it would be only seconds. I was very comfortable and knew that I would always be loved, but I knew it would only be a short time before we saw each other again. And then, my heart stopped beating.

Until the day when you meet me here in heaven, remember this, my heart stopped beating it's earthly beats, but in heaven my heart will always beat for you.

I love you daddy,

Trooper'

Remember, you will go on, your life may be different, but when you are feeling sad, like the world has come to an end, think about the happiness they brought you, the silly things they did, the cute faces they made and like me, I'm sure a smile will appear on your face.

My heartfelt condolences go out to all who have loved and lost their furbabies. May God bless you, and may he take care of our babies until we get there too.