I know the guilt you speak of. I sat up all night with my Beagle last August, as he tried to breathe, crying, massaging his throat and at the same time telling him it's okay... it's okay to go. I had to let him go because I loved him so much and his suffering tore my heart to pieces. We went that following day to put him to sleep. I vividly remember him walking to the car and trying to get in a comfortable position to breathe by my leg on the way there. It happened so fast and I hated leaving him there... but he did look so peaceful at last.
The grief has gotten better... but I tormented myself by questioning did I kiss him enough that last day, did I hold him enough... did he know how much I loved him. Of course he did... I now know that because I felt his presence for quite some time. I do believe our pets and our loved ones that pass help us through our grief. It's hard to explain... but I just know. I pray that you find that peace as well and know that you were blessed to have such a dear companion.
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