I thank God my Xena went quickly.. a yelp, jerk and she was gone.. I thank God He spared us both. When she was diagnosed with cancer, I asked God when He wanted her just to come and get her and He did. As thankful as I am for that, I was devastated. I would've never let her go. My neighbors heard me screaming. It was such a shock. My world ended. My neighbors were trying to calm me down, bringing liquor and Xanax, afraid I was going to have a heart attack. I was praying I would. I just kept thinking, she's not going to be here for Christmas. There's no heart wrenching goodbye like that. I didn't get to say goodbye but my last words to her, like they were every night of her life before we went to bed was I love ya Xeen. It's funny, when they're dying, they usually go somewhere else, she didn't. She laid down to go nite, in front of the coffee table, next to my feet as she always did. Somehow I think there is a precious gift in that, maybe loved enough to even share her last breath. It's left such a hole.. such an empty place there are no words for. It hurts beyond what you can feel. She was there when nobody was. I laugh and say she was the longest relationship I've had. I adored her, cherished her. We went thru so much together I called her the keeper of my spirit.. she had her place in my prayer circle. After she crossed over.. I got up and fixed her breakfast.. 12 years of her being my world, and for days I still did the same things. Crushed again when I realized she wasn't there. I believe she is waiting.. waiting for us to cross together. Love transcends. It's been 4 months and I still weep.. miss her horribly, still love her awful as I used to say to her.. but things I couldn't do for her I've done because of her. I wasn't allowed to get another dog at my apartment.. so I bought a house.. a house with a huge fenced in back yard and adopted two pups not to replace her but to extend her. They've brought a lot of healing.
One thing I did do.. I have a clay imprint of her paw that was done before she was cremated. I'm 51 and never done what I did. I took it to a tattoo artist and had it tattooed over my heart.. between me and her I said.. that artist was astonished when he was done cause he said.. that bottom pad looks like a heart.. I told him he'd done it on purpose. He said No ma'am, I didn't. Sure enough, when I looked at the copy.. it was a heart. Now her heart forever lays over mine.
Thea' by: Susan. MA
I lost my best friend Snoopy one month ago. I understand just how you feel. I cry every day. It has helped me to read other people's pet loss stories and tributes and there are some beautiful poems. ( My Missing Bella Days )
I'm so thankful to Bunny for creating this web site. It's comforting to know you're not alone with these feelings.
I beleave in Heaven and I beleave that my little four legged angel is waiting for me and yours is waiting for you.
Until then we'll keep all our happy memories close to our hearts.
Hope you find some comfort soon. God Bless You and Thea'
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