Your Pet Loss Stories

by Cindy
(Idaho)

My best friend, Peg, called to tell me that she had found a deserted kitten & I needed to take him! "You will take him, won't you?!? I've already bought the litter box & food and everything!" I had just lost my mother and was going through a deep depression. Truthfully, I took Moe because I just didn't have the strength to fight her (thank goodness!).

Moe and I bonded very quickly. He started out as "Jack" but within a few days, he was "Moe". Moe always knew when I was really ill and on those days, he never left my side. My husband, Joe, would try to keep him out of the bedroom so I could rest but Moe would not hear of it! It's like he would look at my husband and say "Now you listen here! She needs me now so you let me in there!!!" And he was right! Something about that small furry body laying all over me helped.

Over the next four years, he helped me through many tough times, giving me the extra loving I needed on those really bad days. Of course, being a cat, most of the time I was just considered the main servant & Joe was my assistant. Moe was never really sure if Joe would be capable of filling my shoes, should anything ever happen to me. After all, he couldn't seem to remember to unlock the door BEFORE trying the knob to let him out. Moe would look at me as if to say "See what I mean, Joe's a nice guy but not too bright." Moe was considering taking applications for the position of assistant servant. According to Moe it wasn't personal, just business. Moe just wanted to keep all options open.

We moved earlier this summer to a home in the country. A perfect place for us all. Lots of trees for Moe to climb and ground to explore. He would never stand to be house bound! He was neutered when he was young and was very well mannered but he just wanted to be outside in good weather.

The night before he was killed, he was extra loving with me. He followed me everywhere I went and cuddled at my feet while I worked on the computer. He and I just couldn't be close enough for either one of us! He even cuddled up with me in bed the next morning which he almost never did. I felt very uncomfortable that morning and wanted him to come back in but he had other idea's and wouldn't respond to my calls.

Our neighbors had 2 dogs which they kept with them while they worked the surrounding orchards and when I heard them barking I knew it had to do with Moe. They were in our field, I went out & finally located them in an empty irrigation canal. The sides were covered with tall weeds & I couldn't see them but I could hear them. I chased the dogs off & then started calling for Moe, not sure it even him but in my heart I knew it was! I'd call & he would mew faintly & we'd repeat it until I found him.

I had an awful time getting to him in the canal. I have bad knees but I finally was able to get to him. We were both covered in mud & he was barely alive. I covered him with my jacket & talked to him as I tried to climb out. I know my voice was the last he heard before he died, I hope that was a comfort to him. I wish I would have just stopped and sat with him, petting him till he was gone. I was so intent on trying to save him by getting him to a vet in time but he was gone before we got there.

I can't begin to say how horrifying it is to see your friend muddy and torn up and be helpless to do anything to help, watching life drain out of his eyes. I have cried so hard and long, I have been afraid that I would never stop! I feel that blackness creeping back in again & I am so scared that I will go there again! I swear the pain I feel from this is the worst I have ever felt. I have lost a lot of loved ones, my dad when I was 11 years old, my brother & mother four years ago but this seems to be even worse. I really don't understand. I wake up hearing Moe meowing & I know I must be dreamimg but it sounds so real & then I remember he's gone and all the sadness hits again. The worst is reliving the last part of his life, how he looked as he was dying, wishing I could help him.

The thing that is so hard for me right now are seeing the things that relate to Moe, his dish that he had to have his 5:30 (supper) in, litter box, toys, his favorite place to sleep, the place he liked to lay in the morning to greet Joe & I. We love our home but right now I can hardly bear the thought of being here alone without him.

I know one thing, we can form special attachments to our pets that I never imagined possible. I've had many pets, like a lot of people but Moe was way beyond the others to me. I am blessed with a very loving and supportive husband but I still feel so alone & scared. I just want to lay down and cry until I am no more. I'm trying really hard to believe that this will pass, logically I know it should & there will be bright days again. A big part of me just doesn't believe it will ever happen. I will hang on though until it does, even if it's just by my fingernails!

Finding this website has helped some. I don't feel like I'm the only one that's grieving so hard after losing a pet. There is definite comfort in that. Thank you for giving me a place to tell Moe's story. He was a special friend to me and will always be in my heart.

He was a beautiful black and white kitty with a small upside down black heart on his left back leg and a right side up black heart on his right front leg. He had bright gold eyes and a gentle heart.

Moe 5-10-2006 to 11-9-2010