Your Pet Loss Stories

by T. White

A family of four which included my daughter, myself, my oldest cat Asia, and my youngest cat China had became a family of 5 when we met Isabella. My daughter stayed over at her friend's house and when I went to pick her up, her friend's mom started to tell me about a cat who needed a home. I was reluctant to take in another cat in such a small apartment, but I agreed to a trial period to see how it worked out. For some reason I knew the moment I walked out the door with her that they would never see her again.

The 1st week was hell! Lol. China and Asia raised hell with Bella. But Bella always stayed calm. I then learned of her sweet and loving temperament. This was her normal demeanor. As time went by, she took her place in our family very quickly. I didn't know much about Isabella's history but I figured out she was old in age but enjoyable and extremely affectionate.

A couple of months ago, Bella started showing drastic signs of illness. She started losing her beautiful fur and weight. I hadn't realized her illness had progressed to a stage that could only descend. Since she still played and calmly rested, I didn't bother with a vet. I knew my only other option was to euthanize her. But I couldn't find it in my heart to live with that decision. I won't lie, it was hard watching her physical changes. But she was in the comfort of her own home to do as she pleased.

On January 30, 2013 Isabella fell asleep on the floor in front of the couch and never woke up. My daughter was sitting next to her, fiance was cooking, and I regrettably was upstairs in my room. I saw her that night and knew something seemed odd because she never slept there. Around 3am my fiance woke me to tell her she was gone. I went numb for a minute and then felt a sense of relief then guilt. I felt like I should've been there by her side. The last couple of nights have been sleepless. I cry at random and I have seemed to push everyone away including my other two cats. I haven't had an appetite and sometimes I feel like I operate as a zombie.

Bella was a part of my family for nearly 4 years. And I miss her deeply. My favorite moments: the way she wrapped her paws around my neck when I held her, the way she slobbered during her naps, the way her purr sounded, the way she played in my hair, the way she tucked her head under my chin. The way she grunted when she pottied. The way her paws looked like boxing gloves when she played with string. So many moments. I am now left with an off balanced home and 2 more insecurities. It seems that I am more on edge a lot. Worrying about every small thing or my thinking is always clouded. I didn't realize how broken my heart would be. Ms. Isabella is deeply loved and missed.