Your Pet Loss Stories

by Karen
(Chicago)

Today I had to put my sweet dog down. We've been together over 14 years, and he was my first and only dog. I had to leave this apartment after grieving here for quite some time after the euthanasia, because this was OUR apartment. My home has been a peaceful oasis, partly because of him. And now, the stillness is unsettling. I'm used to hearing the "click, click" of his nails on the floor, and his quiet breathing (or sometimes snoring) at bed time, which was so comforting.

Even lately, in his frail, elderly state, he had a lot of heart, and would try to fight his pain and find the energy to greet me at the door. Now this apartment has turned against me. I don't know how to be happy here without him. The decision to bring him to the vet today was enormously difficult.

I found him as a stray. I saw him get hit by a car. He had two hip fractures, couldn't stand or walk, but then suddenly came to life after 3 weeks of rest. I'd never had a pet before, wasn't sure I wanted the company or responsibility, but it wasn't long before I realized that I didn't want to adopt him out to someone else. He was special, sweet, empathetic, funny, polite, gentle, concerned about me, and gazed into my eyes like a human does. I never thought this day would come, and it is tearing me apart, but I knew that part of my lifelong responsibility and respect for my buddy included humane euthanasia if ever necessary. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

Even tonight, the day before Easter, I'm second guessing my decision. Human frailty leads me to wonder if I euthanized too soon, or if the decision was justified. I guess I'm trying to say that a dog's life is supposed to be a happy life. They don't understand anything different from that. A pet that doesn't feel well is one thing. A pet that is miserable and isn't living his full life is a tragedy. They're not in their glory; the way they were meant to be.

I will miss you, Stimpy Lou. I'll miss your facial expressions, your "rolling over" for a treat, your sweet kisses, and so much more. You gave me the love of a lifetime. It was God's love; perfect love.