Your Pet Loss Stories

by Aud
(Singapore)

The little light of my life.. my baby boy.

He came into our lives as a little ball of fur.. naughty and playful.. his first video on his first night was him running and zipping across our bed and falling off it.

I remember the first day when I fetched him home. We were left in the rain by his breeders who didn't want him.

My boy was born on the 7th of June 2008. Unwanted by his owners of a accidental pregnancy. He was the cutest little thing.

He was taken away from us through a car accident on my birthday. That very morning when I just woke up.. I sat on my bed as usual, smoking my first stick of cigarette when I suddenly heard a commotion outside my door. I heard my mother in law calling out his name.

I ran outside thinking he was missing again. Mother in law had a bad habit of not leashing.. when I went out, I saw her carrying him. Thinking nothing was amiss when she carried him over, I was shocked when I saw him so limp. "He was hit by a car".

Soon after.. my dog died in my arms.. didn't even had the tine to go to the vet. All I could do was carry him.. he was waiting for me.. he couldn't seem to let go.. so I whispered in his ears "Be a good boy.. mummy will always love you.. it's OK.. mummy will be OK.. I love you boy boy.." He focused on my eyes and suddenly gasped for breath twice.. and he was gone...

Baby.. it's been 2 weeks since the accident on Sat. Every Friday night.. mummy feels so sad, because I know, Saturday is coming.. Saturday is the day I bath you. I play with you. I spend time with you. When we are lucky, we bring you out to the special place where you love to play. Mummy wished I brought you there more often. Where you can run free with grass beneath your feet and the wind in your fur.

My heart breaks when I think about you and try to hold my breath so my heart doesn't hurt and my tears don't come down. But when I breath again, I remember everything and the hurt is just so bad. Mummy has to pretend everything is fine everyday.. because.. everyone has moved on. But I haven't. I still miss you. Mummy can't go home because when I do.. I see you everywhere.

Do you know I stood outside the door with your ashes, holding it, hoping that I would see your face pop up between the cracks. Do you know how many times I hope that all this was just a bad nightmare and I will wake up with you by my side again.

If you come back.. I will let you pee everywhere you want. I will give you more treats. I will bring you out everyday and play with you more. I would work less and love you more than I already do. I will buy you more clothes and a shorter mirror so that you can see yourself. I will hug you more and never let you go.

Mummy keeps thinking, if I had been there, I could have saved you. Did I cause your death because I was not stricter? Should I have always insisted you wear your shirt for the leash? Mummy bought the special shirt with a hook just for you. Mummy searched for a long time before I found it. But grandma never wants to let you wear it..

When I miss you baby boy, I look at the stars.. and wonder do you see me? When I see dogs that look like you, I have to look away because I know I will keep thinking they are you.

Baby.. mummy misses you so much.. you be a good boy.. because mummy will always love you.