Your Pet Loss Diaries

Nov 25, 2011

by Theresa
(England)

Oh my Dear Shimma and Zeusy, why oh why can I not stop this crying and despair at my regrets.

You are so in my head with memories and situations that I know that I didn't handle well.

Every morning and every night I cry because I think of you or something sets me off and that's it, I'm awake for the night begging for forgiveness and begging to God to please let this pain subside and let it go, but it doesn't happen, what the hell is going on?

But I know, it is just sheer guilt, nothing more and nothing less, I did you both wrong, I wasn't there for you and I cannot forgive myself for it.

I don't want sympathy I just want you both to know that I am truly paying for what I did to you as a Mum, and God or you could not ever hate me anymore than I already do.

All I know is that I will be eternally sorry to you both and I should have seen the signs but chose to ignore them.

Well you know if you are there, my Shimma and Zeus, that you know that it's killing me and I will never get over you both. I just don't know what else to say to try and redeem myself or forgive myself.

Love You Both FOREVER...

Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxx