Your Pet Loss Diaries

June 2, 2012

by Sun
(Texas)

My Dearest Charlie and Bud,

You have been on my mind constantly, then it's nothing new. Even though with most precious and beautiful memories of you, no matter how many months or years have gone by since your journey to the Bridge, my love for you and aching heart of missing you remain the same.

I am now obligated to walk to the pond and to the end of your beloved yard with your little brother, Gabriel whom you all brought him into my life, for the first time since you left, Bud, Each time and every step of the way and back, I think of you, your beautiful images so vivid but they're only images, and nothing makes me sadder and lonelier than being in your beloved yard and pond without you. We have been out there many thousands of times and more, always together, neither of you missed even once; what a beautiful and totally devoted family we were (and are and will be forever).

Of course, Gabriel is ultra-special and the best puppy in the world, just like you. Especially so, because I know you hand picked him for me. That is you, Bud--never cease to amaze me, my beautiful child. How much we loved each other, it's immeasurable. Charlie, you are a dream-child, I never knew another perfect boy ever existed on earth when you came along. You embraced all your newly-found family without reservation, not demanding a thing, taught us so much in your short years. I loved you with all my heart, and I miss you so much, my golden boy.

Bud must have insisted that I need someone like him in his earth home (and he was right; when he left, all the laughter and lights left along with him). Ever so gracious and with such angelic heart, you asked Leya to grant Bud's wishes. What finest job you have done, once again and many times over, Gabriel is full of surprise. He is acting like Bud, more and more everyday.

Sometimes, I can feel that you are around, guiding him. I only wish I could see you children and love you. But, when the time comes, you children will be by my side and take me to our forever paradise, so we must wait patiently. Right now, I worry about Duke. Please don't let him suffer, because I do not have the power to suffer for him. He is such a trooper and a Saint, people could learn a lot from him to make this world a better place. I know you siblings will take good care of Duke, our most reserved and another best family member. How am I going to send him away, I can't even imagine right now. Does sadness ever come to an end on earth? No! That's why Bud sent Gabriel out to me.

My golden boy, Charlie, you, Leya and Bud picked out another best Angel for me. What the future holds for our family, I never know from one day to next, but I promise I will take the best care of him as long as I am on earth, with you Angels watching over me.

Your encouragement was the reason I always made it through hard times, your cheers always made me feel worthwhile, you made my life so full and rich, and I have always felt so grateful and the luckiest. But, nothing lasts forever, so sadly, one by one, way too soon, you just couldn't stay. Although Duke has defied the vets' predictions by far, I am very sad and afraid for him, because I don't think he wants to leave home, but he knows he cannot fight too much longer. My only comfort is that his three siblings will take care of him and comfort him until he is all well again, so that he can come visit me.

Well, my Angels, please enjoy all the beautiful things at the Bridge. I miss you and look for you in my dreams every night.

Love you forever, Mom