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Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Sun & Charlie'

Animal Crackers

Jan 16, 2011


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Animal Crackers
by: Diana

Dear Sun

I read your diary here and it could truly be my own. Leya used to eat Milk Bone Senior cookies, and I am also afraid to see a box of them in the stores. I know I would cry. I thought I was crazy, but now I know I'm not. Thank you for sharing your feelings Sun. I know so well the pain you are feeling. Our pain is so deep because our love for our beloved Charlie and Leya is so deep.

You are not a fool for watching and hoping to see Charlie. Sometimes when I am out, I imagine Leya walking down the street toward me, and I think how happy we would both be to be to see each other. The day will come when we do see them again. I wish so much there were words that could help you, or help me. It is too soon and like you say the pain is so great and I also find there is no relief from it. I wake up in the night many times, and each time I cry for Leya.

Our lives are in pieces and even when in time we manage to put them back together, a large piece will be missing for each of us. There will always be a place in our hearts that is only for Charlie and Leya. But I have to have hope that in time we will be able to think of Charlie and Leya without this pain. I know they wouldn't want us to hurt like this. Charlie knows how much you love him and Leya knows how much I love her.

I believe they come and sit with us, and even though we can't see them, somehow if we let them they can comfort us. No matter where you are or where you sit Sun, Charlie will be with you. I don't believe they are gone from us. They can be at the bridge, or they can be with us when we need them most. I believe they sense our need still.

From your story here I do think I might see a glimmer of a happy memory emerging. When you talk about how loud Charlie could drink his water it seemed like that memory made you happy. I also smiled when I read it. It's a small step, but something positive at least. I have heard it said that grief is like a raging river and we have to swim if we hope to get to the other side. We need to find ways to get through it.

One thing I have done is I have found a rescue group for dobermans and I am getting together some things they need, some food, some beds and some toys. I'm buying the toys that were Leya's favorite ones, and I am going to take it all to the rescue and donate it in memory of Leya. It does make me feel better to know that other dogs will get some comfort from the things I give in Leya's name. I am also going to look for a place that rescues Golden Retrievers and donate some things in Charlie's name.

I know Charlie and Leya are friends and I'm sure they are enjoying some very special Milk Bone cookies and some Golden animal crackers at the bridge. You aren't ever alone Sun, Charlie is with you and you have his wonderful brothers to love. Charlie, Bud and Duke are all your gifts from Heaven.

Please take care Sun and give yourself time. I will be thinking of you and your precious Charlie.
True Love Like Yours Never Dies
by: Joan (Heidi's Mom)

Dear Sun:

When I read your story about the animal crackers the tears that have become all too familiar since I lost Heidi, began to fall. I know the loss, the emptyness, the sadness and all the other million hurts you feel since Charlie went away. Last night I caught sight of the one and only toy she bothered with and put it in my purse. Sometimes I just need to touch those things that Heidi touched - just to feel her presence. I know it will get better - eventually. I just wish it would be sooner than later but when I think about it, such a love shared will be there forever so the hurt is going to last for awhile.

When I can't stop crying though I just think that if Heidi is standing next to me, wanting to comfort me, and can't, how would she feel. Then I can stop crying and go on. My biggest challenge now at work is to see how many tears I can hold in my eyes before they tumble down my face and my friends realize - no, she is not over it yet. I will never "be over" it. God be with you and Charlie, always.

Sincerely,

Joan, Heidi's Loving Mom.

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'Sun & Charlie'

Animal Crackers

Jan 16, 2011

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