Your Pet Loss Diaries

Oct 7, 2009

by Pat
(North Bay, Canada)

Four short weeks ago Blue went to Heaven. I still cannot accept the fact that he is gone from this world. I take his picture with me around the house and place it in places that I know he would like. In the morning I place his picture where he can see the birds, squirrals and chipmunks at the feeders. After work I place him in the kitchen were he keeps me company while I make dinner and at bedtime his picture is with me in the bedroon. I have gone away on business and his picture comes with me.

I still have breakdowns and cry everytime I find something of his - last night I found a blanket of Blue's that I had put in a bag - I just broke up. Whenever someone talks to me about him I cry. I have a very empty feeling that I can't get rid of.

Yesterday I went to look at the draft for the printing on Blue's stone - it was beautiful. I look forward to being able to have that beautiful stone in his garden that he shares with my cat Bootsie who died in 2004 who will also have an engraved stone.

As I look at his pictures in my office I think of some of the good times we had and the games that Blue used to love. There was this one game that I called Beep - it was really hide and seek but when I was hidden I would call out BEEP and Blue would come dashing in the direction of my voice. As he would get closer to me I would call out again BEEP and finally he would find me. He would jump at me and I would grab his head and hug him. He loved that game. Another game he loved was tearing a plastic bag apart. He would go crazy over that. I would wave a bag in front of him and he would grab it from me and tear it to bits. Once it was done he would just look at me with this smile on his face.

At Christmas I would always hang real candy canes on the tree and Blue would wait and when we had left the room he would sneak in and very gently take a cane off the tree and eat it. We didn't hear him but we found the evidence - an empty wrapper. Sometimes I would sneak up just to watch him take the candy. He was so gentle. When I would give him a treat he would take it ever so gently from my hand in tiny pieces. He never ate anything in hunks - only small pieces as if to savor every bite.

He took over the love seat in the den and my husband and I would sit on the couch and watch TV with him. He would stretch right out and sleep like a baby - our baby.

I would take him with me to conferences and my husband and Blue would hang out together or my husband would take Blue out for long walks. Blue loved those trips.

Blue had many toys - the ones that squeaked were his favorites. He chewed at those till he got the squeaker out and then forgot about that toy. It was great fun to watch him work at tearing that toy apart.

Blue loved going on the boat with us. He would sit at the front and look out over the lake. He also loved to fish. He would stay in the shallows and look into the water for minnows. When he saw one he would stick his head under the water to try and catch it. What a silly dog he was. I really treasure the memories I have of my Blue. Those memories are what keep me going.