Your Pet Loss Diaries

Jun 22, 2010

by Meg Loftheim
(Lakeland, FL)

Today we returned from a trip to see my ailing mother and my dad, my sisters and family members. It was a very emotional trip. The whole time in the car, I kept looking for you, KC, in the back seat of the car. We haven't taken a long trip in years that you weren't with us and this time you were sorely missed. I didn't know what to do with myself. I just kept thinking and feeling that you were either in my lap or sleeping in the back seat of the car. I kept wishing you would jump in my lap. But you didn't and you won't. I am still crying at the mention of you.

The trip was fine, although I am still sleeping with your blanket and a stuffed animial that looks a little like you. My sisters understand my need for a new kitty but your dad is not on board yet, KC. I want you to understand how much you are missed and how I still just don't understand what happened and why it happened so fast. Maybe it wasn't so fast, it just seemed that way to me. Maybe you were trying to tell me you wanted and needed to rest. Oh KC, I miss you so much.

Anyway, we finally made it back to Florida and I cried the last hour inwardly as I realized you wouldn't be at home. That Miss Alice hadn't sent little love notes from our KC about how he was doing. That when I walked in the door you wouldn't be asleep on the porch waiting for us. That when I opened a can you wouldn't be at my feet. That when I sat down that night in exhaustion, you wouldn't jump up and lay down next to me.

Then the moment came and we walked into the empty house. It was empty and there was no you. I hate this. I just hate it and I feel that the inside of me is just dying all the time. Everytime I do things nowadays, it is a first without you. I love you KC and I miss you KC and I always will. I hold the heart I will wear always that has some of your remains in, and know you will always be with me. Please KC, stay with Mommy always.