Your Pet Loss Diaries

May 21, 2012

by Louise
(Australia)

The longest drive home of our lives was so sad. My husband and I hardly spoke. I cried mostly. I knew what we had to do when we got home. Dig a hole, bury our baby and Say good-bye for the last time..

We have been through this before. In 2009 my Rottweiler escaped our yard, terrorizing a neighbour and sadly killing a gander. He had to be euthanized that day as he was a risk to our neighbours whom have small children. It was the worst day of my life but I had to do what was right. My heart ached so badly that I never thought it would stop.

The pain of losing him has never really gone away though, it has just became manageable I think. And now here I am again, 2 & 1/2 years later, I'm about to bury my other "baby" I don't know why, but it feels worse this time, maybe I just forgot how horrible it was, or blocked it from my memory. Or maybe it's because there isn't another dog to help heal my heart..

We buried him next to Chopper. At the very back end of our one acre property. My heart ached as if it would explode and my tears were endless. I wandered around aimlessly for the next few hours, noticing how quiet our home now was. Everywhere I looked I saw him. He had so many favourite spots where he liked to sit and soak up the sun. I see his bed, his bowls, his chew toys... He is everywhere I look and the silence now is almost ear shattering. I can't believe he's gone and I don't want to.

Life is so unfair sometimes, l don't understand. I feel like a child, I want my mum. I want my boy back! Why now, why us, why now? We just got married 5 weeks ago, it's not fair! We love you gorgeous boys, wherever you are... Mum & Dad xxx