Your Pet Loss Diaries

Sept 4, 2012

by Lisa Thomas
(Las Vegas, Nevada. USA)

My Sweet Sweet Rufus,

Today has been so hard, I can't stop thinking of the day you left to Rainbow Bridge, I have so many questions so many what if's and today is just as painful as it was on April 15 2012. I can't stop thinking how I failed you, I was supposed to protect you from danger and sickness, I was supposed to make sure you would never be in pain or feel a day being ill and I couldn't protect you.

I think maybe if I would of just not listened to the vet, maybe if I would of took you in sooner to see the vet, I just didn't know you were never sick a day in your life. I just didnt think you were or could be so sick that fast you were always so healthy and never would I have thought I wasn't going to be taking you home that day,

I'm so so sorry, I should have tried and let you try to get better but there was your out of control Diabetes, that would of taken weeks if not months of you being in the hospital, then the failing Kidneys that they couldn't do anything for until they got your glucose levels under control and I don't know I should have done so many things, and I look back at it all and replay every word that was said and replay everything leading up to that day and how I wish I could go back.

I have always prided myself on living my life with no regrets and doing things the right way and look at me now? I try and tell myself that I did make the right choice but I will never ever be content with that horrible day and I'm so sorry I failed you. I will have to live with this and the not being sure for the rest of my life and I will never get over you ever. I love you and miss you so very much I cant breathe the pain is unbearable.

I hope and pray you forgive me for not being able to protect you, I am your mommy I should have seen the signs but you were fine you didn't act sick. I'm so so sorry my Rufus, I send you all my love,

Your Mommy xoxox