Your Pet Loss Diaries

Jul 21, 2010

by Kath
(UK)

In spite of all the happy times with my Pawsy it is just the last moments and days I seem to be only able to focus on right now. I am heartbroken ...

I know in my heart we made the right decision to have the vet put her to sleep and so end the awful kidney failure but I didn't want to part from her. I wasn't ready to say goodbye but I knew I had to even after sharing twenty years. It would never be long enough...

The vet was gentle and kind, she gave me tissues, she spoke softly and with empathy. She spoke lovingly to my little companion. I coaxed Pawsy out of her carrier with lots of strokes and loving sounds. She didn't want to get out and when she did at last manage to come out she just stood on the table, she was panting for breath. The effort of being there was just too much for her.

I stroked her, kissed her and told her just how lovely she was and how much I loved her as I always did every day knowing that this would be the last time.... My dearest sweet little catfriend, my baby. I will never forget her 'miaow' of pain when the needle entered her vein and she looked away from me to the vet. I know the pain of the needle was momentary but I so so wish that it hadn't been the last feeling here on earth for her - my heart was breaking, my poor little girl.

I am haunted by that moment right now. I just cried it was agonizing to watch. Then it was over. In seconds. She was gone. The vet gently laid her down on her side and my tears just fell onto her tiny body. I kissed her head and buried my face in her fur. No more struggling to breathe now just stillness.

It is time to take Pawy home for the last time....