Your Pet Loss Diaries

July 30, 2009

by Hilary

Last night there was a huge storm... the thunder was unreal.... I kept thinking of how Suzy would be desperately trying to fit behind the dryer. She never liked thunderstorms.... Sybil on the other hand doesn't blink an eye...

I notice now more than ever the differences... not that I didn't notice it before, but I notice the tiny little nuances more about Sybil now... I guess because I'm so focused on her....

There are things she's now doing that Suzy used to do, namely laying with me on the couch at night while I watch TV. Suzy would lay with me for hours, Sybil for a few minutes at a time, but lately, she's been staying longer and longer... I almost think it's because she knows that I really miss that closeness....

I loved them both, and I love them still... but my heart hurts over Suzy's loss. It really does. I don't know if that particular rift will ever heal.. I suppose time does heal all wounds, no matter how ugly the scar left behind.

I think that in a few months (maybe October), I'll end up getting a kitten for Sybil... if anything, it will keep her young and on her toes.... maybe she'll shed a few pounds too.....

Wow... I just can't believe it. It's been 27 days. My bear has been gone for almost a month. It feels like yesterday. Wow. Time stops for no one and it keeps moving forward, and I suppose eventually I'll have to jump on board and move forward myself, but it's hard to do that when you've just lost a companion that's been there for almost 1/3 of your life... It's tough to let go.

Poor Sybil now has to hear about my day.... she's a trooper though... She's finally, I think, come to terms with Suzy's loss. She's not wandering around the house at 4 in the morning looking for her, and if she is, I don't hear it, which leads me to believe she's not. I think she's finally realized herself.

She's started bringing me her toys again. She used to do that when she was really young... we'd play catch... she would actually bring it back....

I'm surprised with all the toys I've taken out and strewn all over the place that I haven't tripped and broken my neck... but I figure since she's alone for so long during the day, it's the least I can do....

I've really made an effort to keep her occupied when I get home at night.. whether we're playing or I'm brushing her.... I try not to cry on her anymore... I don't want there to be any conflicting signals, so I just cry in the shower now....

One day that will cease... or at least be more infrequent.

I miss my Suze....