Your Pet Loss Diaries

October 7, 2012

by Ann
(Dover, Delaware)

My beautiful cat was battling kidney failure. We were so close. I adored her and she loved me. We were best friends. She had stopped eating but was still drinking and walking around. My husband and I had planned a trip north and I was worried that she would die while we were gone so I told my grown son what to do if she passed.

She died 2 days ago and I wasn't there. We're still up north with family. My son was with her when she died and he buried her. But I feel so guilty. I'm broken hearted and want to die. I feel as if I abandoned her. My family keeps telling me it was better that I wasn't there.... that she waited for me to leave.

Last week when we were home, Kitty would hide from me and when we would take her outside she would head out to leave the property like she wanted to run away (we had a cat years ago who was old and sick and she walked away and never came home). I hate being here. I hate that I left and wished we had come up here a week later. I am so distraught that I sat in the bathroom Friday night after she died with a bottle of pills that I wanted to take. I'm better now but I feel as I I will never be the same. I hurt so bad.