Your Pet Loss Diaries

July 3, 2011

by Elyse
(Merced, CA)

My darling Krista,

Another day at home with nothing to do and all I can manage is to think of you. The couch seems empty and lonely without you curled up next to me. I still feel like I'm guarding my laptop, waiting for you to try and settle on it because I'm not paying attention to you!

It's been a challenge the past few days to get by. We went out to dinner last night, and towards the end I was overcome with sadness as I remembered you wouldn't be there when I got home. I asked Brian to move your favorite chair into the spare bedroom so I wouldn't look to it every time I came through the front door.

I have to go back to work on Tuesday - I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's hard to stay focused when you are literally in every corner of that building. The kennel you used to hang out in, the table you'd sit on while I pet you, the canned food you loved. So many memories my darling.

I think your siblings miss you. Trinity spends a lot of time curled up with me. Rusty seems quiet lately. Only Logan continues to terrorize the others with the same tireless energy he always has. I bet you don't miss him biting your tail do you?

I've been feeling a lot of guilt about those few months that I spent most of my time at Brian's before we moved. I feel like I should have spent every second with you instead. I'm sorry if you felt like I didn't love you. You know you've always been number one in my life. I'm riddled with guilt that I left you alone so many nights. At least that last year we were together every night.

I've been spending a lot of time remembering. I swear there isn't a moment of the 15 years we spent together that I don't remember. I remember you curled up on my chair at breakfast begging for a piece of toast or a drink of milk. You yelling at me out the bedroom window when I was outside because you were mad that you couldn't reach me.

When we moved into that first apartment and the roommate's kitty picked on you so we spent a lot of time in my room together. You were SO mad when I brought that litter of kittens home. You remember sniffing the box and hissing? You couldn't stand that I would put them on the bed to bottle feed them! Trinity turned out to be your buddy after all that! I remember when you were a baby and you'd climb up the back of my dresser and sleep in my sock drawer at the very top! You scared me several times when I'd open that door!! So many memories my sweet kitten. I remember them all!

Do you miss me as much as I miss you? I hope you're happy wherever you may be. I don't want you to be sad, or scared, because you're alone. If you see Charmin tell her I love her too. Wait for me my darling girl, and in time, I'll be there. All my love.