Your Pet Loss Diaries

August 17, 2011

by Diana
(Ontario Canada)

My beautiful Leya

Today is August 17th, and it was one year ago today that you had to leave me. I know you didn't want to go. I made that decision, the one I swore I never would. In the end I knew it was the only thing I could do to help you. That hasn't eased the guilt in any way.

It has been a long, hard sad and lonely year without you.

I think of you every minute of every day Leya. Even a year later. I've longed to hold you and feel your silky soft fur and to look into your beautiful eyes again.

I know you've been beside me, silently encouraging me to go on. I've read about so many people who have had signs from their babies but for some reason I haven't seen any. You've only come to me once in my dreams.

I contacted a pet communicator to try to reach you. She told me so many things that she couldn't possibly have known unless you told her. She told me about the flowers I had planted in the garden I made for you, and that you loved them. She asked about the special scarf you wore at your last birthday party, and how you felt happy in it. She told me you loved the blanket I took off my bed and wrapped you in the day we lost you. She even knew the colour of it. She knew I had your picture engraved on something metal (a gold heart I wear on a chain around my neck and never take off).

She told me you would come back to me if I asked you to, and I did. She told me not to look for a dog, but that if one came to me, I should take it. Last week just out of the blue, one of our neighbours appeared at my door with a puppy. She had gone to her new home, but they couldn't keep her, and my neighbour wondered if I would like to have her.

I thought of what the animal communicator said and I took the puppy into my arms.

I don't know what it all means Leya. But I pray it means you have found your way back to me. Is it possible, I don't know, but who am I to say it isn't. There's so much information we are not given, so much we don't understand in the universe.

If you are still at the bridge though, I pray that you are being held and loved by a beautiful Angel until I can hold you again.

I was so blessed to have 12 years with you. You are such an amazing girl. Thank you for all of your love and for everything you taught me. You are my inspiration every day. You are truly a part of me.

You are so precious to me Leya and you are in my heart forever.

I love you.

Love Mommy