Your Pet Loss Diaries

Feb. 21, 2013

Hi Girlie Girl,

It's day 146, my love. This pain I feel has settled down deep in my soul and will always be a part of me. I am just going through the motions, slowly dying a little more each day I am without you. I always knew this would be the hardest thing I ever had to do but I guess I didn't have a clue just how completely devastating and life changing it really would be...

I don't know how or if I can move past this. My life is so empty and sadder than ever without you. Everything is a reminder ~ I'm sitting here watching TV and someone’s name is Sammy and I start crying or I see a picture of a cat shredding toilet paper and I start crying or I see your brother, Rocco or your sister, Pooh Butt and I start crying or I walk out the front door and I see where I laid you to rest and I start crying. Still always crying.

How can I ever get over or deal with this when the only thing that helped me get over or deal with things in the past is gone? You were my whole world, my reason for getting up every morning, the reason I couldn’t wait to wake up, the reason I hated to sleep because those hours I wouldn’t see your little face. You made everything better. There were no bad days with you. Now all I have are bad days. Days that run together, time has stood still and this pain that never eases.

I just want my kitten back! I just want my kitten back! I just want my Sammy back!

What am I going to do, sweet pea? How are things ever going to be somewhat normal? How can I learn to live without you? Is this how it’s going to be from now on? The love I have for you is left ungiven. This is a very different kind of alone, Sammy. Even in a room full of people, I am alone in my grief and sorrow. I miss you so, so, so much. Your loss was such a shock and so unexpected, so out of left field, such a sucker punch that knocked me down and I will never get up again. I am down for the count, I give up. Life without you is not worth living, my love. I pray I will be reunited with you when my time comes or I will be very pissed...

Please someone help me!