Your Pet Loss Diaries

Sept 6, 2012

by Dayle
(Watertown)

Last year... you had come home from the hospital the night before your birthday. I tried right away to give you your steak. I knew that you would never have eaten anything in the hospital. And I was right... you didn't. But you were home now... and I thought that things would be okay now. You wouldn't touch a bite. That was not my Oliver. You just loved your steak.

When you barked... you were so hoarse. What happened in there Oliver? Did they just let you bark and bark for me until you were totally exhausted and your throat was raw? You had been in there for about 36 hours. Did they even try to comfort you? I kept thinking terrible things. It must have seemed like forever to you. Did you know that I had to leave you there. You needed help sweetheart. What else could I have done?

But today was your birthday. Images of you came into my mind... of you as a tiny white fluffball... so tiny... you fit in the palm of my hand. Images of you running to me when I called out... 'Little baby... Little baby...' and you were so cute it brought tears to my eyes. Where baby... did the time go? And when did you become the most special furbaby of my life? You wouldn't eat for me today sweetie... so I thought... that's ok... we will have your birthday in a couple days... when you were feeling better.

But today... we had to an appointment with your regular vet. So off we went. You always barked up a storm when we were in the office. I always thought we got in faster because they couldn't stand listening to you bark. But not today. You didn't bark. The vet looked at the tests they had done on you. He gave you more antibiotics. He did not say much this time. Did he realize that maybe he should have checked you out better a month ago... when we brought you in for that possible UTI. He hadn't even done a culture back then. We took you home... and tried to feed you. Anytime you tried to drink... you drank so much... you would just throw up. I tried just letting you have a little at a time... then give you more about 20 minutes later... to see if you'd keep it down.

I was so worried baby. I didn't know what was wrong. What was going on? Were you so traumatized by being in the hospital that you couldn't get over it? But hopefully the test results would be in by tomorrow.... and we would know something. I took you outside.. and sat with you on my lap.. so you could watch the cars go by. You always liked that. This was not the birthday I had planned for you. But at least we were together.