Your Pet Loss Diaries

Sept 12, 2012

by Dayle
(Watertown)

We had gotten through another night baby.. and I remember you standing by your water bowl... and you looked at me.. so sad. Your little eyes... just looking at me.. and you looked so little and so tired. I walked to you... and said "what baby... what is wrong". I picked you up... took you out to the deck... and you stood there.... looking out at the yard you had looked at your whole life. It was different somehow now baby. Almost like you knew it was the last time.

I felt devastated. I took you to the yard... and set you down on the grass. I walked a few feet away... and called for you to come. I hadn't put your harness on this time... because I knew you couldn't run anymore. I was always afraid of you getting hit by a car on this busy street, and so I never let you run free. Baby... you did not move an inch. You just looked at me... and I knew I had to move quickly. I was losing you.

I called my daughter in law. Begged her to call her vet... which was also once your vet. He said to bring you in. When we got there... he said to me... Did they tell you he might die? I said... NO! I don't think I let myself believe it Ollie. After all of this... I still wouldn't let myself believe it. He went to check you... and you tried to bite when he tried to check your butt. He put a muzzle on you... too tight I thought. You were just scared baby. And I was upset. I remembered now... why I left him. He took a phone call... leaving the muzzle on you. I took it off. He put you on a table... doing an ultrasound. You were such a good boy. You just laid there. He said to leave you and he would do some tests. As I left... I heard you barking. You sounded so cute.

I went home... to the cable guy coming to put in a new service. I wanted to cancel... but Daddy said no. Then my brother showed up... he'd had a fight with his wife. I was so angry. My best friend could be dying.... yet.. the whole world was just going on as usual. I did not care about anything but you. The phone rang... and it was the lab... saying your culture had come back... with some psuedomonis... but they didn't believe it was a true infection... they thought it was introduced during the procedure. How could that happen baby? Isn't that a sterile procedure? I wasn't thinking back then... so I did not ask.

Now... I have had a year to think... and I keep wondering why they were so stupid. How can they charge people 900 dollars for a test... yet not be thorough... and not be a sterile procedure? They said that you needed a different antibiotic... I.V. baytril. The vet got the call... and started it. You had to stay for the day. It was yet another long long day sweetheart... and for you.. it had to be worse. You were alone... I had so many distractions. I wanted you with me so so bad. But I was thinking... maybe... the baytril would help.

When evening came... the cable guy was still here. I nearly threw him out of here... so I could go get you. When I picked you up.. the vet said that he might be able to do a test to see if he could detect a mass... tomorrow... and see if he could get a biopsy. I said ok. I was to call in the morning.