Your Pet Loss Diaries

Sept 11, 2012

by Dayle
(Watertown)

By this day last year Ollie... I was going out of my mind watching you starve yourself. I sometimes looked at you... and wished that you would just die in my arms. It was horrible. I felt horrible... just thinking it. It was now a Sunday... church day. I took you in the car... to the church... thinking maybe if I brought you inside.. .we could pray.

I'd prayed so hard every single night... begging GOD to please not take my baby from me. I made all kinds of promises to HIM if only he would make you better. I sat in the church parking lot with you... watching everyone coming out. One of the parishoners walked over to the car... and tried to pet you... but you growled. It actually made me happy.. you hadn't even done that in over a week.

My sister Judy drove into the lot. I had told her I might take you there. You tried to talk to Judy with your eyes. I thought you were trying to tell her to take care of me... for her to explain to me... that you had to go. I just felt that way Ollie. I don't know why. All I can say is... our souls were so connected... that we just knew what each other was thinking.

I didn't go into the church. I was angry at the pastor... because Judy had asked him to call me... because you were so ill... and I needed some kind of support. I hadn't been in church the last 2-3 weeks because every weekend something had gone wrong. I had never missed a week... yet no one bothered to call to see why I wasn't coming. That really hurt me. I took you home Ollie... and force fed you baby formula. I got you to take about 2 ounces... then another 2 ounces a while later. You hadn't vomited. I thought that was good. Maybe you were getting better.

Later on that day... I decided to take you in the car... with Daddy.... just because I thought you might perk up if you got away from here. It was a warm day. As we went down the street... I merely asked Daddy to please open the windows... because it was stuffy in the car... and I was afraid it might be too hot for you. He had a fit Ollie... remember? He went out of his mind... spinning the car around.... throwing both of us around inside. I had walked on eggshells around him since you became sick. I did not want him upsetting you.

We went home Ollie... and I took you in MY car... put on the AC... and tried to laugh it off. I said... Daddy is a nuthead Ollie... and you smiled at me. You actually smiled at me Ollie... and I was so happy. We went for a little ride together... and I took you home. But a while afterwards... you suddenly vomited up everything I had gotten into you hours ago. Was it from being so upset about Daddy's nonsense? He was always that way Ollie... and I'm so sorry it was what you saw nearly every day of your life. You were more of a friend... and mate to me Ollie... than he ever was. You just knew me better than he did... and you were always there for me little buddy.