Your Pet Loss Diaries

March 23, 2012

by Dayle
(Watertown)

I'm back again my little buddy. It's a beautiful day here in CT but sweetheart... I wish it were cold and snowy or rainy.... because my heart is cold. I can't stand to see the sun shine anymore... because you are not here with me.

I think about you nearly every second of every day. I cry alone at night.. .and think how I just don't care anymore if I live or die. I am so angry at God... and angry at the world. The vets who seemed as if they did nothing as you became weaker each day. Why? Because you weren't a human being.... and your life did not matter?

I wish so much my sweet baby that I could just go back and try again. I would have screamed for them to help you... I'd have tried harder... before you became so ill. Oh my God baby boy.... I can't get your last days out of my mind. I can't stand to think of you kissing me and then lying down to die. Why oh why couldn't somebody do something?

Two different hospitals.... and so many vets... yet no one could do anything? Why did you come home from the first hospital... breathing better but unable to eat. You were eating before you went there. What happened to you there baby? I took you nearly everyday to your vet afterwards sweetheart... yet no one seemed to know what was wrong. Why didn't they put you on a feeding tube... or give you I.V's or something.

Oh my precious boy... I need to know your spirit is free... that you still exist somewhere beautiful and that you are free. You deserved so much better than this. You were such a good boy... you did such a good job here... and I took it for granted you'd be with me for so much longer. I never wanted to think that you'd someday leave me.

I don't know Ollie... if I can ever be happy again... although I know you would want that for me. Your biggest mission in life was to love me. And you did your job so well... too well my angel. So well... that I just can't live without you. I know I told you I would be okay... and if you had to leave... it was okay baby... but I lied. I need you here... I miss you so much. I can't stand to think I will never see you again.

The puppies... they are sweet and I love them too. But not like you Oliver. Me and you... we were one. Your love was like nothing I have ever felt before... and I will never know again. Time goes by so quickly my love... it's been 6 months... I try to believe that where you are time doesn't exist... as it does here. I wish my days away... thinking that each day is one day closer to being with you once again.

I'll love you forever and ever my sweet angel baby..... until the end of time....

Love,

Mommy