Your Pet Loss Diaries

Jan 3, 2012

by Dayle
(Watertown)

Hi sweetheart... I wrote about you on Christmas Day... and I think I told you Bandit was coming soon. Last night Jimmy and Melissa came here with Bandit.. he was on his way to go to the vet to be put to sleep. I felt like I was living your last hour all over again.

Bandit was Jimmy's special buddy.... the way you were my special little buddy... staying with us when we were so sick.... and becoming our reason to keep going on. I know how Jimmy feels... and my heart just felt like it would explode inside of me... because it just hurt to see him going through such pain. How could I help him get through this when I still cannot accept that you are gone.... I cannot even help myself.

I told Bandit that you would be watching for him.... and I tried to believe it is the truth. Maybe you are all together again... waiting for the day we cross over to be with you again. If that is true... oh what an awesome day that will be. To feel your beautiful little body... your sweet kisses and all that love once again. I pray that it is true.

I still have to believe that no matter what I do or do not know.... there has got to be way more than just this. There is no way that such a beautiful energy could just disappear. No way. It went somewhere. Maybe to join once again in that one connected and loving soul that all animals seem to have. And maybe it just keeps coming back to us over and over again in our new pets... because Ollie... I swear I can see your eyes in Wendy's eyes.... and her kisses... they truly feel just like yours.

The other night... she jumped up on me and kissed me... and I said to her... Is there an Ollie in there? She turned and looked straight at your picture. Not just once.... but twice when I asked her!! I felt like it was you.... saying yes mommy...it IS me!! Little Ziggy... like I said.. .he is such a good boy.... like you. So maybe there is a little bit of YOU in each of my new puppies. I hope it is so.

Tell Bandit to please give Jimmy a sign that he is with him too. I am so worried about poor Jimmy. He has been through more than any young man should have to deal with. I can see the pain inside of him.... and I want it to stop hurting him like that. He is such a good person... he has such empathy for everyone... I ask GOD to please give Jimmy a break. Show Jimmy that life is not just pain.... give his heart some peace. He so much deserves it. Let him feel his best friend Bandit.... in spirit... his love all around him. Let Jimmy know he did what was best for his best friend.

And Ollie... I need to know too... that I did right by you. I still don't know for sure if I should have kept going... and maybe somehow... you might have survived whatever it was that took over you so quickly. I love you Oliver "Butterbeans".... my little soul mate.... my angel.... my best little buddy in the universe. Nothing could ever take the place of you.... and you took a huge chunk of my heart with you.... and you left me with a huge piece of yours to keep forever.

I will love you into eternity.... forever yours....

Mommy