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Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Dayle & Oliver'

Feb 8, 2012


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Thank you all again
by: dayle

Thank you for your kind words. I know that I am not the only one going through this pain... and I keep trying so hard to believe my Oliver is in a better place.. and I will see him again. But every day is still such a struggle. I tell myself I need to go on, that Ollie would want me to be happy. But not knowing what Oliver was thinking when he left here... if I did what he wanted, will forever haunt me. I want so much to be with Oliver again that I am wishing my life away. I know that our babies lifespans are far shorter than our own... but I never thought about losing him. I have cried more tears in the last 5 months.... than in my entire lifetime. Life has not been easy for me.. ever.. but I would go through all the bad again... to have my boy with me again. I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. It is not for me that I cry. I cry because I need to know if Oliver knew how much he was loved. I cry because I need to know if I did the right thing. Was Oliver in pain? Did Oliver really have to go? I can't change it now. Should I have waited longer before I let him go? Did I wait too long and make him suffer? Did he think I deserted him... and did I break his heart... by leaving him at the hospital, where he endured so much? Oh GOD... I only ask that you hear me... and show me somehow everything is alright. I just cannot let it go. It is so strange. As I write this, my new little girl puppy is kissing my tears away.... gently biting my fingers... the way Oliver used to do. I can almost feel Oliver through her. Why can't I let myself believe that it truly is Olli's spirit coming through, telling me... that he is here? I can almost feel him telling me that he is okay. I need so much to believe that... so I can go on. Oliver, I love you sweet baby. I pray that it is true.. that we WILL be together for eternity... my little buddy... my soulmate.... my angel. Wait for me.
Journey
by: Sun

Such a heartfelt letter to Oliver ... we have to believe that our beloved children are always with us, even if we cannot see them. I think that is the only way to deal with our sorrow. Thank you for writing such nice comments on my Charlie's site. You heard from Diana - I just had to send away my most precious Bud and my world has stopped.
Yes, one day we will see them in person. Until then, ... Sun
Your adorable boy
by: Diana

Dayle, I am so sorry for your loss of Oliver. He is so adorable. Such a little treasure. Reading your words just makes me cry, your pain is just so heartbreaking. Back before Christmas you were so kind to write a message on my Leya's diary. I thank you so much for taking time to do that. Going through what you were, I know you do understand the pain.
And I do understand what you are going through too. I also had to make the decision to end Leya's life, as it was all I could do to end her suffering. I know what you mean when you say you become kind of numb at the time, convinced it is the right thing to do. But later the reality hits hard, and the guilt and doubt take us over. The "what if" and "if only"'s just won't stop. But we have to try to have faith in our decision, a decision that was made out of pure love and concern for our best friend.
I noticed that you also wrote a message on the diary of Charlie and Sun. I have become good friends with Sun through this site, and we now e-mail each other quite often. Sun just lost another of her babies yesterday. His name is Bud and is such a beautiful gentle boy. She is also having such a hard time. I will try to get her to write on your page here. I think we all need each other's support through such painful times. This site really does help us to know we are not alone.
I hope you are doing ok Dayle. Please know that we all understand what you are going through. I do believe that one day we will be with our babies again. As you said, there is so much to this life we don't know, but I do believe that these special pure souls come to us to teach us, and I don't believe it is the end when they have to leave. I do think they can visit and can be with us in spirit.
Please take care and continue to write. It does help.
Sympathy to you
by: Margaret Loring

Dear Dayle:

My heart breaks with yours to read your entry concerning your sweet dog. Since this earth life is not all there is, you WILL one day see your "baby" in heaven, as Oliver runs to meet you. This dear animal is part of your
"treasure in Heaven" where nothing can ever separate you again. Take heart. Oliver remembers you and loves you still, waiting to one day reunite with you. Have a peaceful birthday. God bless.

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'Dayle & Oliver'

Feb 8, 2012

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